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On My Mind

In My Head


In My Head Posted on Tue, April 09, 2013 17:57:59

Mrs Thatcher died yesterday but I’m not going to celebrate her demise. When she resigned in 1990, I ran home to my flat and played ‘Stand Down Margaret’ by The Beat and drank to her downfall.

I’m not going to gloat over her death. Not out of respect because I have no respect for her. I have little respect for many politicians. And this week, from those toads in power or vying for it to those who were part of her cabinet, they’ve all oozed out of the drains to offer their condolences and words of tribute.

Most of them have said little of originality other than ‘like her or loath her, she did a great deal of good’ which is simply not true – look around now at her legacy.

I heard one former toad state that ‘in order to make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs’. Trouble was, Mrs Thatcher broke all the eggs, and the crockery, and the utensils then replaced them all with cheaper alternatives that, even with a bright, gold plated exterior, were inferior and didn’t last anywhere near as long as we should’ve expected.

So how we can celebrate such failure with public out-pouring, ceremony and suggestions of statues is beyond me. Still, do what you like as long as you don’t expect me to pay towards it.

Mr Bumble?

On My Mind Posted on Sun, August 05, 2012 12:46:34

Why is Boris Johnson so popular? He appears as the oafish bumbler with bedraggled hair and an air of being unprepared but I have never believed that routine. Moreover, I see a fiercely ambitious, conniving, publicity hungry man of inaction who would rather delegate any responsibility unless it involves a free meal or an appearance to camera. 

When you examine the jobs he’s had; journalist, editor of a magazine, MP and Mayor of London, these are not jobs that fall into the laps of bumbling oafs. Rather they are sought-after by a feverishly ambitious person, determined to self-publicise themselves into contention. 

But suddenly he’s become Mr Popular. Admittedly 50% of those who bothered to turn up at the last Mayoral election in London i.e. one every five people, did actually vote for Boris but even then when you’re popular with 20% of the electorate you can’t be THAT popular can you? 

It was this electoral victory that made me take back what I’d said about the USA voting George W in twice. There was a time I ridiculed that nation for also having the ‘Jerry Springer Show’ with its regular gawp at dysfunctional families. But we eventually got Jerry AND now we have Jeremy Kyle.

It now appears as though Boris is being championed as a successor for his party’s leadership once the current incumbent messes up so badly he’s forced to quit. But will ‘Mr Bumble’ actually take on this challenge or merely delegate it? Only time will tell. But have YOU been taken in?


In My Head Posted on Fri, July 13, 2012 10:31:36

The NHS is like the most popular girl at school. 

And every politician remembers her and is determined to have their way with her. 

Some are determined to punish her because she didn’t give them a second look when they sat close to her.

Some just want to show her how they’d be so much better for her than all her previous suitors. 

Some just cannot resist her allure, even now. 

And some want to put her out on the streets to make money for them. Just like a pimp.


In My Head Posted on Thu, June 28, 2012 16:49:22

For reasons of balance, every story regarding a benefit fraudster should also has to show a story on the opposite page regarding a tax evader.

Another condition should be that the value of money lost by the State should equal the same on each page.

Therefore, you would probably have to have 20 or 30 benefit fraudsters to one tax evader each time. 

Or could it be more? Maybe 100 benefit fraudsters?


On My Head Posted on Sun, June 24, 2012 22:19:15

In every penalty shootout that has mattered to me, one thing has occurred. Winning penalties happen to the right of the screen, losing penalties to the left side. The only time England have won a penalty shootout versus Spain in 1996 was when the penalties were on the right side of the screen. Every other time the left side of the screen and they’ve lost.


In My Head Posted on Mon, April 16, 2012 20:00:44

A man today, responsible for death and misery, suggested that he was involved in a war and this was the reason for his actions.
Perhaps, if he’d made his intended victims aware of this ‘war’ before now, they may have been able to defend themselves. He didn’t because he is a coward.

Good Knight

In My Head Posted on Tue, February 21, 2012 23:15:14

Never mind Fred Goodwin losing his knighthood, what about all these other knights and lords?
Perhaps some of those people should lose their gongs too. After all, look at Steve Redgrave, since he became ‘Sir Steve’ how many gold medals has he won? None.
Same goes for Elton John and Mick Jagger. Since they got knighted they haven’t managed a top 10 hit between them, the lazy bastards. If that’s what getting a knighthood means they should stop dishing them out; it makes people idle. 
And anyway, Mark Thatcher is a ‘Sir’ for the sake of fuch! What next, Lord Glitter?


On My Mind Posted on Thu, September 15, 2011 23:08:54

As pop music has dictated – “sorry seems to be the hardest word.”
But it’s not really; it’s become all too easy to say. People say sorry all the time but do they really mean it?

Perhaps they’re sorry because they’ve been found out or caught? Perhaps sorry is another way of saying ‘if only I’d been more devious and covered my tracks better’?

Rupert Murdoch didn’t say sorry at the phone hacking enquiry. He did say that the whole experience was the most humbling of his life. My response to that would have been to ask what the SECOND most humbling experience of his life was. After all, up until the enquiry, it would’ve been at number one. The ensuing silence would have been a truer indication of how sorry (and humbled) he really was.

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